Sunday, March 4, 2012

Why You Should See the Movie "John Carter"

Do you love science fiction? Or epic stories? Or great romances? Yes? Well, perhaps you have seen the trailer for the upcoming Disney film "John Carter" and thought, "What is that?" Maybe you are thinking it is a cheesy knock-off of "Avatar". Maybe you are thinking that you've seen all of that in Star Wars, or Aliens, or Raiders of the Lost Ark. Right?

Then hold on, and check this this out. The movie "John Carter" is based on a book called "A Princess of Mars". The first parts of it appeared in pulp magazines in 1912 - exactly 100 years ago. The guy who wrote it - Edgar Rice Burroughs - also invented another character you know and love: Tarzan. When Burroughs wrote the character of John Carter, nothing like him had ever existed before in literature. In short, Carter is a normal guy from Earth transported to Mars, where the low gravity makes him super-strong and agile. As a result of John Carter, a whole new genre was born: modern science fiction as we know it. Most great science fiction written in the past century, Star Wars and Avatar included, are knock-offs of John Carter, not vice-versa. Lone warrior underdog taking on the evil empire against all odds, and he gets the princess along the way. Heard of it? John Carter, in a nutshell.

So, go see "John Carter". It is the original template from which all modern science fiction is made. And if you have time, go read "A Princess of Mars" by Edgar Rice Burroughs. That way, when the movie becomes the blockbuster of the year, you can say, "Oh yes, I loved the book!" Bragging rights are worth something.

Addendum, January 21, 2013: Okay, so it didn't become a blockbuster. In fact, the movie has been hailed as one of the all-time great flops. This is why I don't bet at the racetrack. It's still an good movie, especially for sci-fi nerds like me.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Don't Be a Hater (or Why do you hate The Hunger Games?)

During the past ten years, at any given point in time there was "The Big Teen Novel". The Big Teen Novel was a particular work that most teens were reading, talking about, and obsessing over. Today that novel is The Hunger Games. Yesterday it was Twilight, and Harry Potter before that. With the arrival of every Big Teen Novel, there also appears The Haters of The Big Teen Novel. They arise from darkness like a band of flesh-eating zombies, wildly slashing at The Big Teen Novel and all of its loyal minions. Their contorted faces emit condescending moans that sound something like "must ... hate ... twilight!" or "die ... conformist ... morons!" The loyal minions respond with baffled astonishment, tearfully shouting, "how can you hate that which i find to be awesome beyond belief?"

This cycle repeats every few years or so, much to the amusement of more neutral bystanders. We watch with a self-satisfied shake of our heads as the haters and minions duel to the death - or until the next Big Teen Novel appears, whichever comes first.

So can I just say one thing? Just one little thing? Here, come a little closer, because I don't wish to shout. Are you listening now? Good.

JUST STOP IT!

For you loyal minions, you need to understand something about the haters. Most of them haven't even read your awesome novel, so any professions of hatred are not really intended for the story. What they really hate is conformity. They see you as a mindless addict to some prophet of literature who fills your mind with numbing words, rendering you blind and stupid. The sad news is that occasionally the haters are right. But mostly they are bitter because nobody worships their brilliance, and so demonstrate intellect by bashing you of the lower order brain. But here is the good news: popularity does not equal stupidity. Breathing is very popular and quite highly regarded. That does not make it a bad behavior exercised only by those who aren't independent enough to stop breathing. So forgive the haters, for they are slaves to something far more damaging than a book.

For you that hate: go find another game to play. Don't exercise your intellectual independence by squashing the literary preferences of others. Please find another outlet for your intellectual superiority. Otherwise, the rest of us will be forced to round up all of you, put you in a cage, and let you fight to the death. Now that would make for an interesting novel.